Seducing a straight guy is rather easy. In fact, talk to a straight woman about it, and you’ll find that often a bi guy has more luck seducing straight guys than a woman has trying to do the same. She becomes a slut, or too clingy, or not the kind of girl he’d bring home to mom, if she’s too aggressively seductive. You just become interesting.
Now this is every straight guy’s nightmare—that bi and gay guys are always out to seduce them. Believe me, that’s not true. But, Adam Samberg’s gay character in “I Love You, Man” tells his straight brother Paul Rudd how easy it is to do it. And frankly, it’s probably easier for a bi guy. To a straight guy, a bi guy isn’t carrying the baggage that a woman may seem to be carrying. There’s no talk of a marriage, or another date or even who’s paying for dinner. And if you have a girlfriend, you have a connection. You can talk about her body parts, and how great sex is with her, and it’s less threatening to him.
If a straight guy is so inclined, he wants to get it over with quickly, and he knows you don’t expect a long-lasting relationship. So whether it’s a quickie after a hot workout at the gym, or a fast Internet hook-up while the wife and kids are away, or a curious moment before marrying his fiancé, the straight guy sees a jaunt with another guy merely as an emotionally meaningless diversion for quick sexual satisfaction.
And, for the most part, if you’re bi, the straight guy isn’t going to worry too much about being seen in public with someone who may appear “too gay,” so you can outwardly be “hang out” buddies without anyone being the wiser.
The biggest problem with trying to land a straight guy is that you may be putting yourself into a dangerous situation. Don’t set yourself up in a Matthew Shepherd situation where the guys are luring you out with their bi-curious questions and then ending up beating the crap out of you. Too many friends of mine who are straight-chasers end up going home with the straight guy, and then having them freak out as their zippers get pulled down, and they turn into self-hating psycho bashers.
One good way to test the dude: before agreeing to go anywhere private, try kissing him long and hard on the lips in public, and even finagle a tongue in between those lips. If he resists, if he panics, if he calls you a faggot, then don’t pursue this one. There are plenty of straight men curious enough for the picking out there. Or, if you’re really horny for this particular one, just have you meet him at a bathhouse, and if he tries anything rough there he’s going to have a bunch of naked homos beating the crap out of him.
My best straight guy conquest was a professional baseball player. Macho, rugged and with a girlfriend, he seemed overly friendly with the guys, always slapping each other on the butt, and adjusting his crotch cup. A female friend of mine got us in the dugout during a game, and he came over to talk to us. There were plenty of double-entendres, talking about how big he likes his bat and why baseball players scratch themselves so much, and we were amused and charmed. He seemed to flirt with her, but when he slapped me on the backside he grabbed one of my butt cheeks and gave it a firm squeeze. It was breathtaking, but I wasn’t sure what it meant.
After the game, he invited me into the locker room, saying girls weren’t allowed — but they were, because female journalists were doing interviews all around — but I followed him like a puppy dog. When he undressed and sported a bobbing bit of wood, I looked away, lowered my voice and tried to say something macho, but he simply said, “Playing really gets me worked up, you’ll notice it in all the guys.”
After three double dates with the player and his girlfriend, our talks became more personal and he complained about the bjs he was getting from his girl.
Now this is always an easy “in” with straight guys, all you have to insist is that you know that guys must know how to please guys more than girls do. If he questions it, then simply add, “Well, do you think you know how to go down a girl very well? Don’t you think another girl is going to figure out how to do things better than you?”
If he’s honest, he’ll agree. Then, it’s only a matter of time that he can feign being a bit sloshed and ask to stay the night. In our case, the baseball player arranged it so that we dropped off our dates first, and then he suddenly felt too drunk to drive. He came in with me and seemed to sober up pretty quickly, opened up a beer and stripped to his underwear as he looked on my shelves for porn.
This is also another way to gauge a straight guy’s interest. If he’s willing to watch porn with you, he’s unafraid to get hard in front of you. If he gets hard watching guys go at it, then it completely messes with his head.
The baseball player knew by then I had a history with guys, but he never even copped to being “bi curious.” He said he didn’t want to see any videos with the “gay stuff” but was willing to watch a bisexual tape — always have a good one on hand, and have it cued up to the two-guys-and-a-girl scene. And, as soon as he watched two guys going at it with a girl in “Valley of the Bi Dolls” he was massaging himself through his undies on my couch, and like a bad porno, it was my cue to dive in.
He claimed it was his first time with a guy, but I never believed it, and we “saw each other” for about eight months until he was traded to another team and later got married. He said it was easier to be with me because I had a girlfriend, and I wasn’t interested in anything more than our casual encounters.
It was more than casual for me, though, and I had to keep it a secret, although my gay friends always asked about how close we were, and his fiancé seemed to get a bit jealous of our suddenly intense friendship.
I’ve had the chance to seduce a few straight guys, the scout at camp, the politician, the rock singer, the soap opera star, but they all allowed themselves to be in positions of opportunity, and so, it’s up to the bi guy to recognize those opportunities and make the move.
By the way, my story about the baseball dude is true. It was loosely made into a porn movie by Studio 2000 called “Playing to Win” and so, the bad porno that I felt I was in at the time became a reality after all.
(The above is an excerpt in part from BISEXUAL’S GUIDE TO THE UNIVERSE BOOK written by Mike Szymanski and Nicole Kristal.)